Stuff that pisses me off, Vol 2

The whole 'God hates fags' movement.

Note to readers: this post is from a protestant christian view.

Come on, we've all seen them. Either live or on the internet, there is a faction of christianity which insists on trumpeting (at every possible opportunity) the idea that homosexuals are a unique set of humans, outside of God's love. In fact, not just outside of His love, but in that set of things which He actively hates.

Bullshit.

The reason these guys annoy the living crap out of me is not so much that they are flat out wrong, it that they are claiming to represent Christ. The world can generally recognize bigoted hate when it sees it, and by hitching their own shit to God's name, they pollute Him in the eyes of everyone. Idiots I can tolerate. Idiots actively slandering the Living God by His own name is another thing entirely.

Some might take offense to my accusation of idiocy. Well, let's analyze the 'God hates fags' argument from a christian position.

The central premise is that homosexuals are a special group of sinners, fundamentally different form any other type of sinner. I would challenge anyone to provide biblical support for this argument. It just ain't there. Sin is sin, full stop. There is no special super-sin that will make you the single object of divine wrath. And even on logical grounds, if there was such a super-sin, who on earth would say it was homosexuality? Since when is consensually boinking another guy worse than, say, cutting his throat?

The second premise is that God hates people. To this I would ask the question "if God hates fags, why did he die for them?"

John 3:16. Probably the most memorized verse in the bible: "for God so loved the world, that He sent His only Son to die yada yada yada... Emphasis on the 'loved' part. God sent His Son to die out of love, to pay for the sins of the human race. God hates the sin, not the sinner. These 'God hates fags' idiots are slandering His character.

So it being proven that the claim 'God hates fags' is devoid of biblical support and in fact a lie with regards to the nature of God, why is it used?

We know right off the bat that these guys don't believe that God is interested in helping gay people. It says so right on their sign. We also know, due to the offensive slur used and the general abrasive tone, that they themselves don't give a damn about them either. So if they aren't there for God and they don't care about the people they are "reaching out to," then who is left for them to care about?

Themselves.

I am left to conclude that the 'God hates fags' crowd is either holding to some sort of 'God-only-helps-the perfect' doctrine, or is simply whoring for attention.

I'm inclined to think the latter.

I, ****** * *****,

do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

And thus does your humble scribe become PFC Morin, United States Army. I leave for Basic Training at Fort Benning, Georgia, on 20070206, at which point I there will be no further updates until at least 20070520.

*Chortle*

From: Bin Laden, Osama [mailto:osama@taliban.com]
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM
To: Cavemates
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Love you lots.

Osama

Skippy's List

I'm fairly sure I've posted this before, but I'm gonna have to review.

Here are a few choice selections:

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

60. “The Giant Space Ants” are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean “I have been promoted three more times than you”.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

165. I do not get “that time of month”.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).

175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

197. I am not allowed to sing “Henry the VIII I am” until verse 68 ever again.

203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

That's done.

I finalized my MOS today. Infantry, and then on to airborne school, and then (if I choose), Ranger school. This is pending the results of my airborne physical, which isn't much different than a regular physical (less emphasis on general health, more on musculoskeletal strength). I'll be leaving for Basic on the sixth of February if all goes well.

That's PFC Twycross to you, civie!

Well, I talked with the recruiter all yesterday. Due to me college credit, they will let me right in a Private First Class (E3), skipping the ranks of E1 and E2. I guess staying in college as long as I did payed off a little bit. I'm heading up to Spokane next Wednesday, where I will take the ASVAB (the aptitude test), have my physical, airborne physical, and then be sworn in. I anticipate leaving for basic in about a month or so.

My MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) should be determined tomorrow. The current plan is to go Infantry, and then attend Airborne school.

In any case, once I go to basic, don't expect any updates from me for at least 17 or 18 weeks, perhaps longer. Just a heads up.